Hello.

My life is filled with bitches.
A gorilla that is apathetic about others and only cares about herself.
And a noisier isotope that does the exact same thing.
Please someone get rid of them.
Be it abduction by aliens or mistaken identity ad hung up on a wooden pole and burnt alive for witchcraft.
However they disappear, I'm happy as long as I don't have to spare a patronizing glance at them.

If you don't care about us than begone.
Don't come here because you have no where else to turn to.
Go to the corner and emo.
Please just go away.

Your antics are getting worse and worse.
Every action of yours has become disgusting.
Both of you as a matter of fact.
You brush off as desperate.
One is a bestly version of seohyun wanting his chopsticks yonghwa.
Another, is just a plain stalker.

Argh. Things will be better without you guys.
So much better.
So, so much better.
Making new friends is tiring.
You don't know who they really are.
It's exciting at first.
But than they start to get comfortable.
And show you how ugly they truly are.
Than all the drama starts.
I have too much of my own problem to get involve with this.
Will god just send a few ligtning bolts and fry their fat asses?
*angry

Cheer up Joey.
It's not your fault,
she just wasn't the right friend for you.
You deserve better, much better.

I'm still going insane.
I'm still staring at my phone waiting for a red beep.
I'm still thinking of you.

Fuck.

Meh.

Long overdue post about ROD.
It is a milestone in my life, so I decided that I should blog about it, for memory sake.

The previous day, the stupid me just couldn't sleep.
I kept waking up like every 2 hours.
I really don't know why, but I was friggin' excited, because, I know my life was about to change.
A part of me was about to be ripped out.

So, the day starts with me meeting up with Mardhiyyah, Chong, and Rui Xuan.
When I went into Mac, I WAS SHOCKED!
My first though when I saw the mysterious short-haired figure was "IRNA!?"
I really thought she came to see our ROD and met Chong You on the way.
In the end, it's Mardhiyyah.
It was well, really, really amusing.

I had a really good time.
It's the first time I really slow down and just soak in every moment. (especially bouncing balls)
I noticed, we're so familiar with each other,
that even in moments of silence,
it isn't akward,
it's comfortable.
I'll miss the times just sitting there and talking.
I really, really will...

Lala, than when we go take bus, I found out something funny.
All your juniors pretend that they didn't see you.
But! I know your there.
Just say wave and say hi.
I have a lot of interest in food, but I don't like human meat.

When we reached school we saw the Sec 2 boys talking with Benjamin.
LOL, the rest of the Sec 4s joined them but i felt uncomfortable.
I'm actually very anti-social.
I don't like hanging out with people I don't know.
I don't like feeling uncomfortable.
It isn't I don't like you guys.
I just won't know what to say to you guys.
I kind felt bad, cause I was jerk-ish for not saying hi to you guys.
It was akward...
But HI!

Than we were split into our groups.
I was a group with Rui Xuan and Jeffrey.
Ahhhh, sorry ah Jeffrey.
It's not I don't want talk to you but talk to Rui Xuan only.
But it's because I never see or talk to you for so long already.
I should've talked to you more, you looked lonely =x
But I'm glad it got better at the end.

It's a bore to talk about the events.
But i really regret not taking more pictures!!!
I'm really happy with the Sec 2 present.
No offense but I was really expecting soft toys and such.
However, hold and behold!
I got F.T. Island file and handphone strap and 2PM nametag and photocard.
I'm really happy.
Their all really cool present.
I guess I must thank Jeffrey for suggesting the presents.
But I was happiest with the t-shirt.
Thanks for thinking I am so skinny.
I will treasure every message!
But some of you still owe me message.
Find me to write it!!!

I feel recognised for once.
That after all my efforts, people actually recognised them.
I didn't expect so many presents.
I really, really didn't.
And the good feedback I recieved here and there.
Finally, I thought.
After I risked my life (2PM song :D)

Well, Chong You is still the most poor thing.
One day ccy, one day.
You'll be recognised as well.
The world may be harsh but it isn't blind.
Don't give up!


Anyways, on another unrelated note, today was the first day of school.
It was fun.
Thanks to Eng Yew, Syazana, Joey, 'Amirah, and Marissa.
... and Marissa.
We finally talked.
It was super, super weird at first.
I was really worried of what I said.
It was like threading on fine ice.
I can't mess up again.
I'm happy.
I forgot how happy it was to talk to you.
I really, really enjoyed myself.


It sucks.
I thought I will forget you after 19 days in europe of complete isolation.
But i can't.
I'm like a soldier and I am too heavily scarred.
I should've stayed strong and stay behind the frontlines.
But I couldn't.
The first shot was fired when I opened my heart.
The volley of bullets rained down on me than.
Your smile (the second shot)
Your caringness (the third)
Your friendliness (the forth)
All I could do was stand there.
When I realised I was too deeply screwed as I was no longer the master of my own emotions.
I was too heavily wounded to retreat.
I need to forget.
I need to live my own life.

FML.

Broken

Who am I kidding?
I thought too highly of myself, I really thought I wouldn't care.
All this is going to be my history soon, no longer my present or my future.
But it still hurts.
It hurts because I feel helpless.

Why are they so arrogant?
Why do they think so lowly of NCOs.
We're not stupid, we know what's happening.
We've known them better and longer than you.
Even if we're not close, we can read them better than you.
When you asked for our opinion, you didn't even take it into consideration.
I can tell you straight in the face, that's the biggest mistake.
We spend the most time with the Sec 3s.
How many trainings have you guys attended?

You say my point is not valid as compeition team stress is different from corps commander stress.
Bunch of bullocks that what it is.
Really, how different is it.
I invite you to step into mine or ccy shoes.
See how diff it is to deal with him.
His just a professional bootlicker and you guys like your boots shiny.

Over and over and over again.
You guys are hoping for an underdog story.
But srsly, isn't the commander and head of department post for the most deserving?
I've already pointed out about the flaw in Admin Department.
You guys said I was thinking too much and should give people a chance.
But *dengdengdengdeng, I told you so.

Talking about commander post, I have wanna apologise to ChongYou.
I dunnoe how to say this to you personally but if you see it here, all the better.
I'm really sorry I took away your chance to be commander.
You were more than deserving.
If I wasn't there you would have been the commander in a heartbeat.
It's not because I was better than you, it was because of politics.
You should know.
I hate politics.
Fuck politics.
It just ends up hurting everyone.
I'm sorry, that your heart broke than.
But just know, this commitee will never be succesful w/o you.
Don't care what people may say, you worked your ass off, no one can take it from you.

If only things can be different.
If only some people had more balls to speak up.
If only I had more power to speak up.
If only...
All I can say now is "if only..."

I'm not trying to say I'm so much better.
But I worked hard to be where I am today.
I worked so, so hard.
No one gave me the easy way.
No one expected me to be the commander.
I wasn't given the chance to join comp team in my first year.
All my skills, I had to learn from the shorter and limited time in corps.
I had to memorise my first aid.
The next year, when I joined comp team, I worked doubly hard to catch up with ChongYou.
Even in my nadir, I still go to St. John.
Because there's something in me that makes me go.
Passion, Love, Insanity whatever you call it.
I had it.
I guess that's why I am here today.
Because I had drive.
I never gave up.

Sorry Mr. John, I couldn't protect you.
Even if you made my life a living hell, you made me happy once too.
I wish you all the best.
I wish my Sec 2s the best.

Oh yah, fuck off if you disagree with what I type.
This is my blog, make your own to bitch about things.
My feelings are not yours, you'll never understand.