Broken

Who am I kidding?
I thought too highly of myself, I really thought I wouldn't care.
All this is going to be my history soon, no longer my present or my future.
But it still hurts.
It hurts because I feel helpless.

Why are they so arrogant?
Why do they think so lowly of NCOs.
We're not stupid, we know what's happening.
We've known them better and longer than you.
Even if we're not close, we can read them better than you.
When you asked for our opinion, you didn't even take it into consideration.
I can tell you straight in the face, that's the biggest mistake.
We spend the most time with the Sec 3s.
How many trainings have you guys attended?

You say my point is not valid as compeition team stress is different from corps commander stress.
Bunch of bullocks that what it is.
Really, how different is it.
I invite you to step into mine or ccy shoes.
See how diff it is to deal with him.
His just a professional bootlicker and you guys like your boots shiny.

Over and over and over again.
You guys are hoping for an underdog story.
But srsly, isn't the commander and head of department post for the most deserving?
I've already pointed out about the flaw in Admin Department.
You guys said I was thinking too much and should give people a chance.
But *dengdengdengdeng, I told you so.

Talking about commander post, I have wanna apologise to ChongYou.
I dunnoe how to say this to you personally but if you see it here, all the better.
I'm really sorry I took away your chance to be commander.
You were more than deserving.
If I wasn't there you would have been the commander in a heartbeat.
It's not because I was better than you, it was because of politics.
You should know.
I hate politics.
Fuck politics.
It just ends up hurting everyone.
I'm sorry, that your heart broke than.
But just know, this commitee will never be succesful w/o you.
Don't care what people may say, you worked your ass off, no one can take it from you.

If only things can be different.
If only some people had more balls to speak up.
If only I had more power to speak up.
If only...
All I can say now is "if only..."

I'm not trying to say I'm so much better.
But I worked hard to be where I am today.
I worked so, so hard.
No one gave me the easy way.
No one expected me to be the commander.
I wasn't given the chance to join comp team in my first year.
All my skills, I had to learn from the shorter and limited time in corps.
I had to memorise my first aid.
The next year, when I joined comp team, I worked doubly hard to catch up with ChongYou.
Even in my nadir, I still go to St. John.
Because there's something in me that makes me go.
Passion, Love, Insanity whatever you call it.
I had it.
I guess that's why I am here today.
Because I had drive.
I never gave up.

Sorry Mr. John, I couldn't protect you.
Even if you made my life a living hell, you made me happy once too.
I wish you all the best.
I wish my Sec 2s the best.

Oh yah, fuck off if you disagree with what I type.
This is my blog, make your own to bitch about things.
My feelings are not yours, you'll never understand.